I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
