just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
