I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
