I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
