My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I love having hate sex.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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