someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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