I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
