It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
