Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
