There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
