what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
