just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
