u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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