i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
that may or may not have been my penis.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize