Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I deserve this hangover.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
