Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
