Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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