Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
