I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
