As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
