youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
