dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize