There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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