OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Did we literally take a cab across the street
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
