Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
