She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
