Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize