how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
