that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
