Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
