I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
