just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
