She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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