Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize