Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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