i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
