I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
