"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
