WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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