This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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