You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
