Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
