He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
