Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
