there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
