At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize