thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
