Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
