You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
