If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i believe in u and ur pee
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