Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
