It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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