five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Drunk walkin through police station. America
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have aggressive nipples.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
