Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I have post one night stand depression
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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