guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
