I think I won the penis lottery.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
