i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize