Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
