Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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