we have pet lesbian snakes
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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