What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
