you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
