whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If I die, sorry about rent.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
