Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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