How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
