i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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