her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
