god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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