Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
