my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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