i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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