oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
