My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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