WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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