Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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