i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize