I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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